TRUST
Trust is the active, volitional,
dependence on consistency. Because trust is active, effort must sustain it.
Because trust is volitional, it is not emotional. Trust is an act of the will.
Since trust depends on consistency, we must persist in the study of people we
want and need to trust.
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You can only trust
those who are consistent. Only four persons, in all of creation, deserve
trust all the time or 100 percent trust. Three of these four are the Father,
Son, and Holy Spirit. Who is the fourth? Satan. He is consistent as well.
God wants always what is best for us. No matter how bad things may seem, God
will always bring out the best for us. The crucifixion is a good example of
how bad seeming things can be very good. No matter how good things seem,
Satan will always bring out the worst for us. The fruit episode is a good
example of how bad good-seeming things can be. The seeming good or bad
outcome is not reason to trust. The consistency of the outcomes is reason to
trust. The scriptures tell us not to trust in horses, money, friends,
princes, swords and many other things. The overriding theme of the
scriptures is that God is trustworthy and it is He whom we will trust
without disappointment. We must be willing to study God’s nature and consistency to
be able to trust Him with the dangerous issues of life. Study God to see
that He is worthy of your trust. Do not just trust experiences unless
you can see them from an all-encompassing distance.
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Since we can only trust God,
what are we to do with those in other relationships? We
must study their COMMUNICATION - words and
behavior across time. As we study their words
and behavior we will pick out those areas of consistency and begin to form a
picture of who they are. Once we know how they will be consistent, we know
how they will operate in similar situations yet to come. (We need to study ourselves for
those consistencies as well.) To expect someone to operate in a way that is
inconsistent with their particular consistency is foolish. Too often we feel
like we can make a person change their mode of operation just by wanting
them to be different. This is dangerous and leads to massive
disappointment or disillusionment.
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Imagine you drive an
18-wheeler and travel every day making deliveries. On your way home,
you cross a bridge about a mile from home. This night, there are
flares and blue lights ahead of the bridge. As you approach the blue
lights an officer flags you to a stop to tell you the bridge is out, fell
under a large truck, and you have to use the six-mile detour to get to the
other side. Not a problem, the detour comes out at your house.
So you turn onto the detour and head home. You think about the bridge
falling under a truck that was heavily loaded and it sends chills up your
back. For eighteen months, you travel the detour. On this night,
you see no barricades across the road at the detour. The bridge is
finished and open. As you approach the bridge, your heartbeat quickens
and you think about the chill you felt eighteen months ago. Too late,
you are on the bridge. You cross it and arrive home a few minutes
later, but your heart has not slowed to normal yet. What does this
mean? This means that you do not trust the new bridge yet. As
days turn to weeks, you get used to the new bridge, the new view of the
river, and that the bridge does not fall in when you cross it. You
have learned to trust the bridge. You have overcome the mistrust of
the old bridge. This bridge metaphor of trust
involves the fear that can develop when consistency has been in a
relationship for a long time. Even though a person may not fall into a river
when the other person fails to be consistent, there will be a long time of
caution or fear. It is likely that thoughts will always occur when a person
crosses something that reminds them of the inconsistency of the other or
their own mistake. With time and continual crossing with success, the
thoughts grow less invasive and sometimes may disappear all together.
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Imagine a tiger tethered to a
large pole. The tiger looks friendly but is every ounce still a
tiger. You like petting cats and this is a very big kitty. To be
safe, you have to trust that the pole and tether will keep him from mauling
you if he is not friendly. The tiger metaphor of trust
is about people who may look safe but they may not be safe. A tiger
can be warm and fuzzy or can maul the person in a flash. The trusting needs
to be based upon God and a relationship with God. He is the only One who is
always consistent. When God restrains another person, don’t seek the other
person to be consistent. If they could be, God would not have to restrain
them. Wait for God to give approval to move forward with trust in a
positive way.
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A counterfeit to trust is
available. When we cannot trust, we try to Control. All of us want and need
peace, security, and contentment. Trust will provide these elements if the
person or people with whom we interact are consistently good. To assure
ourselves of peace, security, and contentment when we have no basis for
trust, we resort to control. One problem exists with control in these
circumstances. It doesn’t work. Controlling people is like holding Jell-O
in your hand. The longer you hold it the more it runs. The tighter you
squeeze it the more it gets away. Control of Jell-O leaves you with a sticky
and stained hand and no Jell-O. The person you want to trust empowers trust
of them.
The person you trust has to be consistent and you have to be able to
recognize the consistency. The controller empowers control. Control can be a
24-hour-a-day exercise in futility holding Jell-O. For sure, when a person does not want
you controlling them, you will not control them. Manipulation is a form of
control. The power it exerts is only through deception. To secure peace,
security and contentment through manipulation will be very expensive in
relationship energy and the results will never be peace, security, and
contentment. Control
As expressed in Attitude, the
attitude of the person is 90 percent of what makes the life satisfying. With an
attitude that desires to rebuild, 90 percent of the job is done.
Now for the final tough and not-so-wonderful communication, Confrontation >
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